it was sad that one of the strongest person i have ever met passed away last thursday. but i'm happy that her family has moved on a bit... because eiselle died without any pain, without leaving any doubts to her parents that she was happy. her mom told us that at least, eis won't have to suffer anymore... she had been sick since 2 years old.

********

the word "depressed" has been abused so i'm going to use "disheartened" because it means: to cause to lose spirit or morale. the thing about being in this condition is that you know what to do to rise up from this, and i know about making choices about this, but it's lost... and it's hard to regain something u have lost. and it goes over and over in your head until you just try to think of something else to ignore this disheartening situation... but you know someday you'll be able to look at each person again past their afflictions towards you... past their taking you for granted and so on. because God will surely bring out their best towards you someday. i still hope... but in the meantime, i am disheartened.

********

i've thought about this for the longest time, and still my answer to the "next time" phases of my life is "no more". no more if it entails professionalism from a team. i can't trust that anymore to a team if it is under the condition of "pro bono" or "for free". because in the end, i don't want to be discouraged and lose my trust and confidence in the team.

********

i said goodbye to another great friend who's leaving next week for Tagaytay. I met her in Pro-life because she stays with us every Thursday and Friday. She's an aspiring contemplative nun... and that's what she'll be doing for the next three months. We'll see each other in December na. I can't believe i'm saying goodbye again... i've faced goodbyes so many times i might become numb one day!

********

even with all the chaos happening, whenever i turn to God, he lets me see the other side of things... i know that he never lacks in generosity and when i think i'm in the lowest pit of things... he shows me that it's possible that other people is in a more deeper pit, and i am still blessed. and i appreciate his showing me this each day. i wish i could be a better person to love him more. i wish i think of him more often because he thinks the world of me. i wish to get to know him more. i wish i could be a good lover as he is in our relationship... i wish.