Tuesday was Vange's birthday... we went out to Yakitori House with Kenneth, Jeff, Fred and Joni. It was fun hanging out again. It's been a long time since we did that. But Vange and I met last Saturday at SM Manila and had coffee to catch up. I'm glad that we're still able to do that. Nakakamiss the old times.


Kai emailed me yesterday twice. It was nice to read her insights. She's becoming more mature na. And I believe she's changed a lot. A lot happened to us this year. There was the break-up of our company, my quitting the choir and more. Through it all, we've talked only slightly about this. But yesterday, I was prepared to hear more. So I learned that my quitting the choir impression on people was that I did not value the "ups and downs" in a group. While I understand why people said that, to me, I really had to move on. It's like I was in a fishbowl then, but right now, I am in the ocean roaming around God's creations and learning more about life in the process. I used to shrug off family time, but right now, I value it. Before I was so tired to do anything, but now, I had more time in my hands. As Ate said one time, we will not be in the choir forever. And I guess I couldn't believe it then, but if your heart now is not within that service anymore... what are you to do? I feel that in my perspective, I have been in the choir in the ups and downs. It wasn't always enjoyable, all these 7-8 years. There were days that I was frustrated but didn't say anything. There were days I wanted to give up, but I didn't. There were days I felt that I was giving my everything but the others weren't but I didn't say anything again. I realized that without me saying anything, I also made a mistake. But that's in the past already. Now, I really have moved on. So whether they understand why I left or not, I realize that time will just heal all wounds. It made me realize something, too... All break-ups are hard... and it doesn't limit boy-girl relationships. It includes breaking up in a group too... and no break-ups are easy.


However, there is one glitch. I would love to still be friends with them. But I also realized... it's up to them. I hope they would also speak to me about it. I can't guess their thoughts. That's why I appreciated Kai telling me about this. It made me understand her more. But if they won't speak to me about it, I'd understand. Sa akin lang, now I'm ready to face them na and if they want to be friends, I'm more than willing to be one.


I also realized something too. I love to see the other side of the ocean. I'm in a very uncomfortable stage in my spiritual journey. I'm without a community, I'm without a group, even without a partner... but I know God has a plan for me. I'm beginning to know what's more important in life now. I'm beginning to see there are more avenues to serve... and I'm beginning to feel... that it's going to be soon.