yesterday, i finally managed to go to the Kerygma Feast after a very long time. and it felt really good. i almost forgot how it felt like and even if i went alone again, it feels rather great to be in the Lord's presence. i love going to these gatherings because i see all the people with their families enjoying the Lord's presence. i somehow envy them because i wish i could bring my family to the K feast but i've always been given an excuse too many. but i know in time with lots of prayers and perseverance, one day they'll attend with me. so yesterday after realizing how much i needed to be in His presence, i went alone. God led me to a seat beside a very much enthusiastic lola and a loving Dad. i know God led me there because it made me smile a lot. Lola was swaying and dancing to the Lord ala Ballroom style and the Dad was so patient and loving to his son that it made my heart melt. We sang praise songs after the Mass and listened to a talk after. Bo was in US/Canada so it was Arun Gogna who preached for us. he's a great preacher and i learned a lot from him yesterday. So much that it made me feel better about my journey with the Lord and how I was struggling deep inside. I also bought a book by Bo... entitled "Your past does not define your future". I finished the Part 1 series already and have discovered a lot of addicitons that were limiting me as a person. I discovered that I had an "approval" syndrome which Bo claims he also has. It felt good to connect that I wasn't alone with this thoughts and syndrome... but i know so much work has to be done. I need to do a lot to recover from this. I also realized that a lot of what I feel right now has something to do with my past hurts... and I look forward to Part 2 to make that change. I know it's not easy and it's not an overnight thing... but in the meantime, i know i am loved by God, who thinks I'm as much beautiful as Charlize Theron, Audrey hepburn and the like, who loves me despite my weaknesses and faults. Also, it helps that a very dear friend of mine, who struggles like me, prays for me. Beng, thank you ha.