in no way false humility, i really was not born a soloist. i excel at my best as a choir singer. i know i was made and cut out for that. never a soloist. so when my first psalm happened in st peter, i was so much in a wreck. i know i did well, as a lot of people said i did, but still, it just never came naturally to me. having sung the "create in me" psalm for a number of easter vigils already, i was quite content singing the psalm. however, this year, i was made an understudy for ate rose. each year, she would sing "in my heart" in her operatic, classical voice which always inspire me. so when she made me her understudy, i was actually faced with a lot of pressure. i was having a hard time with the song as well because of its irregularity of high notes. the day before the easter vigil, ate asked me to sing the song at practice. i didn't do well, but she patiently taught me how to sing. i recorded her rendition and jeff even patiently sent me the Bukas Palad Mp3 so i can compare the two renditions. i practiced a lot. but still, i somehow feel i can't sing do justice to the song.

i actually had a great and meaningful holy week. i had a good confession, and felt so much blessed in his grace. so i really prayed while practicing the song. when we were practicing saturday night before the vigil, i was holding on to my faithful wooden rosary. practice went well naman for the psalm but needs a lot of work for "in my heart" which will be sung at communion. But when it was near my psalm part, i had butterflies in my stomach. i suddenly had an inspiration and wrote the words "LET GO and LET GOD". i asked God to used me as an instrument, a vessel and not let me sing, but let Him sing for me. and so with the holy spirit, i sang the psalm and did justice to the song.

when it was communion time, i took a deep breath and asked God to let myself go and let Him sing for me. i was feeling so uncomfortable. but i prayed and sang the song. For the first time in my life, i really felt Him using me as a vessel. It wasn't really me singing the song. It was really Him. Ate rose was also in front of me and she helped me express the song. After singing the song, Ate gestured a "kiss" for me, a gesture which for the longest time I haven't seen her give. Then I knew, in my heart, I was able to glorify God wholeheartedly.