for the longest time, i've been carrying a burden so heavy i think i almost lost it. i've been sleeping less, my face bore the stress and i've lost weight. i couldn't bear to open up with my friends regarding my problem. all i had in mind was... why did i let it happen again?

i've been broken and healed before. and it took me a long time to rise. and i've been happy for the past few years until it happened again. and this time, it was much bigger than i could ever imagine. i don't know why i let it go that far. maybe subconsciously, i was thinking i deserve them because i worked so hard.

so even if i shared my problem to a few of my closest closest friends, i still feel so bad. i felt so dirty, felt so sinful that i could not love myself. even if help was extended, i couldn't make myself be happy.

until this sunday. i went to the feast with my family that fateful morning. it was the first time my sister opened up the subject of going to the feast. although i wanted them to come badly to the feast before, i was rejected the first time and didn't invite my family again. it was God's timing that my sister opened up the subject of going to the feast. and so my mom and i went with my sister and JC.

i had so many realizations. but one of them was... God loves me... as is where is. even if i am a sinner, he still loves me. and i realize that what kept me from being fully happy is that i never loved myself truly. and it hindered me from really being happy.

so today, for the first time in so many months, i woke up and felt so light. i came early to the office as well. i had a good day at work. i was blessed that i got a taxi right away going home despite the rain. there's so much blessing that has found its way back to me again... or maybe they have been there all the time... because now i open my eyes to see them. :)

my boss said i was giddy because i had a cute principal that came this morning. but it wasn't that. this is all God's doing. and i'll proudly boast of that fact... cause He has found me again... and I'm really grateful He never lets go...