I suddenly feel ashamed. I realized that the first few days of Holy Week has passed me by. And I've got to stop myself and concentrate on the coming days. It's a good thing I caught myself before I went downhill.

After my resignation, I said I was going to give God more time, but I realized that I have not really given so much time for him. I feel ashamed that I chose not to connect with Him more deeply but instead, spent my time and energy in facebook, pet society, etc. I don't judge others who did and this is coming from a promise to give Him more time and not have given it, and when it turned 12 midnight, indicating that this is Maundy Thursday, I caught myself and started to reflect. And thus, to repeat my first sentence - I feel quite ashamed.

And I suddenly asked myself. What did I really give up this Lent? I feel I have not really given up so much compared to the other years when I was still more "deep" in my relationship with Him. And that is also why I feel so ashamed.

But I'm stopping myself. Tomorrow until Sunday - it will be about HIM. I will reflect and deeply involve myself in the happenings especially day by day as we walk with Christ. After all, isn't Holy Week meant in remembrance of what our Lord has gone through?

Today, Maundy Thursday - we remember the Last Supper. We also remember Jesus suffering in the garden of Gethsemane and the feeling of abandonment that his chosen companions could not even keep watch for one hour. We remember his pain and struggle in accepting His Father's will - and finally to acceptance and bravely obeying His Father's will. We remember how Judas' betrayed our Lord for thirty silver coins. And how everything will change from that hour on. Our Lord would suffer humiliation, human suffering that I can never imagine subjecting myself into, and ultimately, His passion and death on the cross.

And while we focus on the remaining days on his suffering, it will still be a story of love and hope as we await Jesus' rising up again on Easter Sunday.

In the mean time - I shall be still and know He is God.