I love weddings. Today I arranged flowers for a dear
friend, Rachel Roque. I'm glad she liked the flowers. ;)
Even though I didn't sleep a wink, I am marveled at how God
can use my hands to create something wonderful.

I also am so grateful for Popoy for driving me to the hotel
and to UST where the church wedding rites took place. How
embarrasing na wala pang aircon car namin but it was okay
for Popoy. I had a great time with Popoy this afternoon...
dami ko natutunan. Sayang lang I was so sleepy that I
wasn't my usual energetic self...

Hay, sleep beckons... tomorrow going to divisoria and met
museum and meet with marge... hectic!

im staring at the computer for a few minutes now and i
still don't know what to write. maybe there are no feelings
to be expressed today but i can't sleep yet because i'm
still too full...

anyway, my day was kind of hectic. After the mass, there
was this meeting that was at first, chaotic but good thing
Ate Rose spoke up so it was finally focused. i really pray
people would be more understanding and more open-minded. Am
glad that Auntie Mayette was chosen to head the temporal
needs. She's more open-minded and understanding.

i also got my present from beng, my friend who is so much
like a sister to me! she's one of my best friends who have
stayed with me thru thick and thin... whether am going
berserk over something or just need to unload... she's
there. i really miss her because she went back to iloilo...
going back to the present, i really appreciated her giving
me a present even if she's miles away... and that she
remembered even if my birthday is like three to four weeks
away pa.

sometimes i get uncertain over things... and i end up
getting frustrated. it's hard to leave it all up to God.
but i know i should lift up everything to Him... and i will
and am doing... there are some times where i just seem so
uncertain of everything...

i reflected on the gospel for today which centers on loving
neighbors or difficult people. i find myself in a situation
where the people around me is really difficult to love, but
i just remember to always put myself in their position.
It's really tough, it's really hard... but if God wants us
to forgive seventy times seven, then i'll do it.

my best friend once laughed over my friendship with an "ex-
friend"... and history does repeat itself. but this time,
i'm not as devastated. i am disappointed but at least i
know the problem isn't with me. i am different now and i
was being true to myself. If people don't like me for who
i am now, am sorry but i wouldn't change for them. Only God
can change me if He wills me to be.

Tomorrow is Pro-life's Big Event! We're having our
National
Convention and for the first time in Asia, the Festival of
Twins!

It's really exciting... and I'm glad to be part of this...

However, I'm really disappointed with our Events Director.
I felt she was really great to work with at first. But
afterwards, you really get the feel of how it is to work
with her. I'm sure being in Events is pressuring. After
all, I'm in the Events business myself, and I can't accept
the fact that being rude to your clients is okay when the
pressures are at its highest peak. I believe in grace under
pressure. And if you're into Events, you shouldn't let
pressure get to you.

What's worse, the staff at Pro-life are the ones being
blamed for some of the things our Events made a mistake on.
Like paying for the venue. As an events coordinator, they
should have gotten all the money to make sure things go
well. They shouldn't have waited until the last minute to
remind us! And I hate the lies they tell Sr just to wash
their hands clean!

I'm ranting on and on because it's so frustrating. A person
can have so much patience... that's why it's really hard to
be a Christian! It was all for the best when we prayed a
beautiful prayer a while ago and we lifted all of these
angst... hopefully, things will go smoothly and without
much problems (as if...)!

I love my life. I really do. Sometimes, I just get tired.
When pressure comes in, usually I double my efforts in some
other things. But the problem with that, I get burned out a
lot. I can't isolate myself and rest. That's why maybe
I'm
really looking forward to leaving. Maybe that way, people
won't depend on me too much. Sometimes kasi I feel like
people are using me as their punching bag. I'm so kind
kasi, my best friend tells me.

On the other hand, I always feel that I can't really give
up. I care too much for them. In some way or the other,
even if I leave, I know that I still will involve myself
with them, but more on prayers, which I think is more
important.

-------------------------

Random thought:
Sometimes people react defensively and sometimes, kind
people are put down or crushed as their defense mechanism.
Whenever I go into a discussion, I must remember to be
objective and focus because we're only humans and we tend
to be defensive when we think we're on the attack.

Vangie and I bonded over Mona Lisa Smile, beauty shopping,
pasta and ice tea. I missed hanging out with her. She has a
very refreshing way of looking at things, she blurts out a
few funny things that are marked forever, says things
frankly and matter-of-factly and she's just plain good ol'
girlfriend hanging out kind of person.

Mona Lisa Smile is a chick flick but nice. I liked the
ideals presented and I like the part where the person who
hated her at first was the person who was affected most by
the teacher. I've always wanted to teach and being a
teacher and making a difference someday has always inspired
me to slowly pursue this dream. This film affirmed this.
However, I believe I have been shown focus by God, that is
to take special attention on the less priviledged... maybe
hearing impaired, people with spasmic problems, etc.

One of the things I always see in a film is the fashion. I
talked to Jja regarding the fashion in the film. I enjoy
talking about fashion with Jja, maybe because she's taking
up the course and I'm a frustrated designer. =) I also like
the fact that she understands my sentiments over fashion.
She's very young yet when we talk to each other, I know
she's mature enough to relate to what I'm saying even
outside the topic of fashion. Though sometimes she
surprises me with her moods, generally she's a nice person
who has a lot of ideals and lots of potential as an artist,
a friend, a girl friend, fashion designer and more...

There's three deaf and mute practicumers in Pro-life who I
met last December. Paul is a very assertive, talkative
(YES, talakative) person and a joker. Nikki is the most
quiet among the three but the most generous. Joanna is such
a darling... She's beautiful, sweet and childlike and she
has cerebral palsy. Among the three, I talk a lot to PAUL
and learn sign language from him. But I was most affected
by Joanna. We only bonded a few days but I could almost
feel like she's already my sister. Last Friday was Joanna's
last day! I will miss this little darling of mine. We
exchanged hugs, took a lot of pictures and had lots and
lots of laugh.

I realize their beauty and innocence and limitations as
well and I realize how blessed I am to experience this
world fully. I also realized how I would like to work with
them more so that I could learn more from them in their
perspective.

~Paul's Antics~

Paul is the hearing impaired friend I mentioned the other
day. He is such a funny person. I like the fact that he's
so easy to talk to and he is interested to know what you're
saying. I learn a lot of sign language from him. Today, we
had such a laugh because the Deaf and Mute students have an
upcoming concert and they will be interpreting a song. So,
at first Clark (the deaf and mute son of Ate Au who works
also in Pro-life) was the one teaching us, but Paul butted
in and he helped me learn the signs of the song. It was so
funny, and quite educational. Funny because Paul speaks a
little and sometimes he says it in a funny manner. But I
help him by correcting him. Sometimes he gets all shy when
I correct him and he stops teaching us but I show him that
it's okay, otherwise we wouldn't learn. I told him it's
the
same as learning sign language, i get shy because I forget
the signs I just learned. But i don't stop, I persevere.
After this, he understood and continued on helping us learn
the signs.

Paul teases me a lot and sometimes, even plays with us a
lot. He's a kid trapped in an teenager's body! He calls
me "Betty Boop" because of my figure. But even if he teases
me a lot, I'm really grateful for the friendship we share
because I see a lot of things he hunger to learn, and even
if he's hearing impaired, that doesn't stop him from being
happy, from being who he is and from learning. He's very
bright and cheerful. I pray He'll always stick to God and
that God will bless this friend of mine.

to my hearing impaired friends

i said goodbye to my two hearing impaired friends at Pro-
life office yesterday. I was able to communicate "thank you
for teaching me sign language" to Paul and to hug Joanna
and said that I will be missing her so much. it has truly
been such an experience for me to meet them and to be able
to interact with them. we so take for granted all our
senses that we abuse them sometimes. and here are people
who would love to have a sense of hearing... as i said
before, we live our lives fully... we came into this world
knowing we can get the best of the best out of it... yet
look how we are... snappy and judgemental of people,
ungrateful and more. but the hearing impaired, they are so
innocent, so kind and would love to hear our voices but
they can't... and so what we can do for one is to learn the
language and give them some kind of normality when they
interact with people and be understood.

i applaud GMA 7 for making a telenovela with a deaf and
mute played by nancy castiliogne soon to air at nights! i
believe now that GMA 7 truly has balanced programming.

to my hearing impaired friends, cheers to you! I shall miss
you!

My cat's been found. I decided to try using a bell to call
her and I prayed hard to St. Anthony (I also asked Ate Rita
to pray for my cat to come back)! And imagine, after that
prayer and the bell, she came back from the roof and
possibly from the house of our neighbors! What a relief!

Hay, buti pa sya e no, may date! Now I can laugh about it
...

I always come home and look for my cat after I kiss my dad
hello. Today she's missing! I get frustrated but I realize
I'm taking it rather differently today... I am very worried
but I'm calm... I know somehow she'll come back... cats
do... It's Valentines Day... maybe she's celebrating
also... That sentence wanted to be a joke but I can't seem
to find energy to smile...

Lord, please look after her! My only worry is that she's
picked up by somebody else or something might happen to
her... :_

Today I went to Sto. Domingo Church for a Healing Mass. One
of the perks I get from my work in pro-life is that I get
to experience all these without strains in my work and my
contributions to Pro-life. It even enhances it with all the
spiritual blessings I receive.

The Healing Mass was officiated by Fr. Boehme. If you have
never been to a Healing Mass, I recommend you try one. Fr.
Boehme is currently at Mt. Carmel Parish (broadway, new
manila) and they hold a Healing Mass every first Thursday
(or Tuesday - muffled mike so I'm not sure) at 9:00am till
11:00am. The mass we celebrated was quite special because
it also had the Healing of the Family Tree. Healing of the
Family Tree means that spritiually it heals the sickness
our past generations passed on to us...

Although I do not need any healing physically, I needed one
emotionally and spiritually. And you know what? I got
healing. I forgave myself and my family for all the hurt
and pain. Fr. Boehme said, "The greater the forgiveness,
the greater the healing." I cried a lot during the 2-hour
session and the Holy Spirit was there for me. I forgave my
family for all the past hurts rooted in my heart, I forgave
myself for the sins I committed, I forgave other for their
shortcomings... I was able to do this because I felt the
Father's forgiveness and I know He wants me to love my
family and forgive them for their shortcomings.

I also lifted to the Lord my worry about my future... and
immediately, he sent a message to Ate Rita who was beside
me... I got His message of love and to trust Him in my
future. He told me that He's there for me and He will take
care of my future. He has great plans for me and all I need
is to continue to be steadfast.

Thank you Lord for this wonderful experience. I pray that I
will be steadfast in my love for you.

Sounds like a ride in Enchanted Kingdom but enchanting it's
not. It's more of an adventure-type kind of ride and true-
blue pinoy style mode of communication!

The trolley is made of bamboo strips and wood. There are
two slats for 8 people to fit in. It has wheels in the
bottom so it can glide in the old railroad tracks in san
juan going to Pandacan. The device is being pushed by one
person and it glides over the railroad tracks even over the
bridge!

I rode the "trolley" with Sr. Cora who introduced me to
this mode of transportation last night. I didn't expect
anything that's why when I rode it, I couldn't help but
smile! Yeah, I know it was a bit ghastly, but I can't keep
the smile off my face because it was such an amazing
experience.

The only thing I didn't like about it is that I pitied the
person responsible for pushing! Imagine being charged P6
for a long way, multiply by 8 is just P48 for one ride...
The person goes back empty handed, except for some special
cases... and then all the way back to Pandacan.

It sure beats the traffic from San Juan to Pandacan but I
don't know whether to be happy because I know the people
benefit from the traffic-less railroad tracks or be sad
because our country can't offer a better alternative to
these people working in the tracks.

i attended a "bulong pulungan sa westin" at westin
philippine plaza lunch time today. it's a media press
conference that discusses various topics every week. it's a
nice concept made up of different media... tv, dailies,
etc... they hold this every week and they usually pay for
the food lang at a discounted rate of P175 each. it's a
chance to discuss issues. sr. even told me it could go
really controversial!

today they discussed the festival of twins... it's really
exciting because this will be the first in asia. they had
triplets and twins interviewed in the press con and it's
really fun.

they also promoted Carlos Alberto Ibay, a blind pianist and
tenor... and a Filipino! His voice is kinda like
Bocceli's... anyway, he has an upcoming concert this feb 27
at the ccp... he grew up in the states, played the organ at
2, the piano at 7 and played in Europe, all over America,
etc... he knows six languages also! Impressive!

i'm excited on feb 21 where the festival of twins will take
place! i can't wait to hear bo sanchez talk also! =) and

carlos ibay will also play at the event.

2004-02-10 11:54:00 (GMT)

bulong pulungan sa westin

i attended a "bulong pulungan sa westin" at westin
philippine plaza lunch time today. it's a media press
conference that discusses various topics every week. it's a
nice concept made up of different media... tv, dailies,
etc... they hold this every week and they usually pay for
the food lang at a discounted rate of P175 each. it's a
chance to discuss issues. sr. even told me it could go
really controversial!

today they discussed the festival of twins... it's really
exciting because this will be the first in asia. they had
triplets and twins interviewed in the press con and it's
really fun.

they also promoted Carlos Alberto Ibay, a blind pianist and
tenor... and a Filipino! His voice is kinda like
Bocceli's... anyway, he has an upcoming concert this feb 27
at the ccp... he grew up in the states, played the organ at
2, the piano at 7 and played in Europe, all over America,
etc... he knows six languages also! Impressive!

i'm excited on feb 21 where the festival of twins will take
place! i can't wait to hear bo sanchez talk also! =) and

carlos ibay will also play at the event.

... i counselled last saturday for a person who had
relationship with three married men... i didn't know what
to say because she was asking me what to do... step by
step... so wat i did was to go back to the very first thing
we do when confusion starts to creep into our lives... that
is to pray. i closed my eyes and asked her to pray with
me... and i let the Holy Spirit do the talking... u know
what? it worked... words suddenly came out and we were both
touched with the prayer... sometimes the simplest thing to
do is forgotten...

... i am planning to go to Mindoro to work... i have to
save up... i know also that this is a time for me to escape
and to give myself a break... i must have thought of
leaving so many times already... but i guess God doesn't
want me to leave yet... i realize a lot of people are
affected with me going... Ate Rita for one... i know she's
been praying for me to stay... and i don't know if i'll be
staying or not... i know it's not for me to decide... it's
for God to show me where He wants me to be at the moment...
it's tough... u know u have responsibilities but u have to
also let ur family understand the essence of trusting and
obeying God... which frankly, not many bother to
understand... and then a lot of responsibilities are given
to you... you know you can't back out and you know you have
to stay to make it work... but what to do with those
responsibilities? aaaaaaaahhhhhh, confusing... but i'm not
rattled... i know God has a purpose for everything...

... it's an overwhelming feeling when i know people learn
from me or from my example... i have always looked up to
people and it's a different feeling when tables are
turned... but i know everything i do comes from HIM...

... i have praying one day this week when suddenly, i
realized i had selfish prayers. so i started praying for
other people... i started with my family, my friends then i
remembered this guy i am starting to like, and i prayed for
him... the funny thing is, i was waiting for my brother to
hand me my planner because i left it at home. the moment i
started praying for him, at the corner of my eye, i saw my
brother's car and it looks like it's leaving without him
handing my planner so i had to rush over to the car...
after that, it was really funny because i realize maybe God
doesn't want me praying for a guy... jelly baga.... =) but
i don't mind because i am in love with the Lord and maybe
He doesn't want me to have a partner in life... and i'm
okay with that. after all, if u have Him, iba ang
feeling...

... my best friend just got a cool phone... natatawa ako
when people rush over and ask to look at it... i know i do
that also, pero actually, nafefeel ko naman that i do it to
my best friend kahit anong gamit, luma man or bago... i'm
nosy siguro by nature talaga. but it's such a funny scene
when people ask him to lend it to the people... minsan kasi
alam ko my best friend hates me nosying (nosing?) his
stuff... wala lang...

... i love my cat. she has a way of relieving the stress of
the day... every time i come home, she welcomes me with her
signature "meow"... a crackled one if you should ever hear
one. she's such a darling. at mornings naman, every time i
wake up, she's already sleeping beside my legs. ang sweet
lang kasi she really knows where to sleep and take a nap.
my mom says kahit wala ako sa bahay, she dozes off in my
pillow...

When I get tested for my faith and person, I believe I
always get a failing mark. Most often than not, I give in
to the devil and get frustrated, irksome and all...
Especially when I was still in the corporate world... i let
pride get the better of me.

But what usually happens is that my concscience always
talks me out of this momentarily haze. And it's a cycle all
over.

I realized today how to slightly channel off negative
things... i shut down like a computer and pray. Amidst all
the chaos around me, I fall quiet and submit myself to Him.
I don't talk at all... yet I do not smile also (for I don't
have the energy to do so)... but after, I relax and see
things in a positive light...

Thank you Lord for this realization. I'm grateful that you
lead me by the hand...

2004-02-05 13:20:18 (GMT)

"I Got Mail!"

I received another message from God through Ate Rita today.
I was so overwhelmed by the exact, timely and precise
message that hits home to me. Ate Rita didn't know what I
went through last night and when she gave me God's message,
it affirmed the events of last night.

I also am overwhelmed by His love for me. I know that He
loves each and everyone of us... but to hear it through an
instrument is a different experience altogether. I know
that He does, and when He sends messages like that, it's
like getting a love letter from somebody special. Maybe
it's my human side of wanting something tangible.

My love for my Lord is great and I pray it will be
steadfast amidst all the ups and downs of life. I pray that
He shall continue on being with me... because in Him alone
is my strength... in HIM alone is my hope.

2004-02-04 12:33:17 (GMT)

fear and relief

I was so fearful last night. A project of mine didn't come
up nicely as expected. I knew I was partly to blame because
I wasn't able to be on top of it. I was really frightened
about what my superior will say and how they will handle
it. I asked Ate Rita to pray for me. I also prayed hard.

Relief! When Sr. Pilar and I talked, she was also
disappointed at the outcome of the project but she didn't
blame me. Instead she was very understanding! That was how
it also went with Kuya Jimmy!

What a frightful night it was last night but God answered
my prayers and through Ate Rita's help, I was able to go
through today in no anxiety at all.

(Just sleepy because I wasn't able to sleep well last
night.)

I have a friend, Ate Rita whom I became close with in a
short span of time. And I am really blessed to know her.
Last Saturday, she gave me a message from the Lord. She
receives messages from the Lord kasi. Sabi ko ang swerte
naman nya for this gift but she tells me it's hard kasi u
have to follow talaga... and most of the time it really is
hard to follow.

Anwyay, this was the Lord's message for me:

"I Have spoken. I am and will take care of her concerns.
Tel her, I love her so much and I am happy for the purity
of her heart to me."

I was so touched for this affirmation. I haven't met anyone
who relayed this message for me and I am really touched.

This afternoon, I passed by the Church to say a quick hello
to Him. But he gave me a message to be quiet... then He
asked me to "Dwell in His presence"... and I did. And it
felt so good. I know that He is taking care of me and I am
really humbled that He spoke to me.

Timeline : February 1, 2004

5:00am - Walking home from St. Peter after completing the
floral arrangements we made for the aisle for the 25th
wedding of Ong-Lim, a client.

5:45am - Dozed off

8:30am - Woke up and did the arrangements for the bouqet.
style was reminiscent of Lea's own wedding bouqet... it was
dark roses tied together. Very raw... very natural.

10:00am - Packed up, got ready for the mass!

10:30am - Arrived at St. Peter in time for Offertory (Arrgh)

11:00am - Asked Popoy to drive me to Makati to deliver the
bouqet. Glad he said Yes! Vangie and Kai agreed to come
too. So we all went to Forbes to deliver the flowers. Hirap
pala dumalaw sa Forbes... Had to wait a long time before we
entered! Finally, delivered the flowers.

12:00nn - Hungry na so we ate at Superbowl. Heavy Food!
Yum...

12:30am - Theresa Ong Lim called and asked me to cover up
the whole stems of the flowers. They didn't want pala the
stems to show. Got to go back and pick up the flowers.
Haay...

1:00am - Picked up the flowers. Buti naman this time we
were able to enter kaagad. I was their "ID"... hehehe

1:30pm - did the flowers. wrapped them in sinamay and
attached a silver ribbon. that did the trick.

2:00pm - rested... slept for a while too...

3:00pm - woke up and went to st. peter. practiced a few
songs in chinese. after this, it was a haze... briefed
those who offered, gave the flowers to the bridal
entourage, gave jeff the sinamay to accentuate the seat
where the couple will be seated, changed into my chinese
costume but since it was so wrinkled i had to find somebody
to iron it for me. buti na lang an ate from the kitchen
volunteered to do it for me. buti n lang cause the material
was linen and i really don't how how to iron it... anyway,
changed back to my shirt and went around the church to help
a bit, changed into the chinese costume again and finally,
canon in D was playing so it means the mass was about to
start... finally, normality!

5:30pm - After singing, had to rush off to Baclaran Church.
Have you ever stopped and notice the leaves swaying with
the branches? it's such a sight to behold. parang the
leaves are chimes and it's moving to the rhythm of the
wind... ang ganda.

6:00pm - Arrived at Baclaran Church and went to the
sacristy to test the powerpoint. Ang bait ng operator.
Sayang forgot the name pero she saw the slides and she was
touched... we showed pictures of aborted babies, fetal
development and slides of hope naman. Many people were
informed. Sabi sa akin ni kuya jimmy mga 10,000 people were
there. It really felt great to inform people about the
truth and to see them being moved.

8:30pm - RUSH, RUSH, RUSH! Had to rush to my house and get
changed... it was Aileen Chan's wedding... at EDSA Shang...

9:00pm - Changed into my pink sari. Waited for a taxi pero
ang hirap sumakay! Buti na lang my sister was there so she
drove me to Edsa Shang.

9:30pm - Arrived at Edsa Shang and met with Joni. Kakatawa
kasi I heard a bit of the program then goodbye na! =) But
at least nakapagpicture kami with Aileen (may evidence na
nakapunta ako)... and saw a few of my Bikol friends. Got a
souvenir (yehey!) ... it was a love song collection CD in a
cute bag with a butterly accent.

10:00pm - Home na me! Grabe sa bilis!

Although it was a LOOOONG day for me, I was so blessed pa
rin... Thank you God for being with me the whole day... I
offer all the thanksgiving, sacrifices for your glory!